On Motherhood and Marriage

Honestly speaking, I have been alone since i was 15.
Though the most I could think of was doing my own laundry, taking care of my stuff during my college days, eating alone or should i say buying out from a cafeteria, making school related decisions, having my nail care and oh well, shopping. That still i realized, wasn't at all about being independent.

Our family is on a traditional Filipino setup since i got married. Since i am an only child my mom lived with us the moment we decided to transfer in Cavite. Doing business before and later on giving up so as not to let ourselves (hubby and i) stuck up with the home-and-shop routine.

Hubby gets to do his work, commuting everyday. His was on a flexible schedule, it's car sales. He looks for clients, probably during mall duties or over the internet, makes follow ups, client agreed for the loan setup, hubby then processed necessary papers then releases it after client pays for down payment. After few days, the commission is up for withdrawal. Yet, it wasn't easy as that.

And now, after three years of marriage, my mom decided to stay in the province alone to be able to do her church obligations which she calls 'her preparation'.

Though i get to stay home for now, i don't regret it. I am hands on when it comes to taking care of my babies. The moment when they smell 'amoy-araw' after hours of playing, is the moment I find them most soothing to cuddle. Or simply watching spongebob after my panganay gets home from school while our little boy busies himself to saying 'Ma-Ma'. Being able to spend quality time with the kids is a magical feeling for moms especially for the young ones like me who are still on the learning process of motherhood.

And yes, we have our kasambahay with us. I may not get to do household chores that often but that's because our Ate gets to handle everything. Ika nga niya, konti lang ito (comparing to what she does back home in bicol). Yet, it's still too much for me to handle alone. There are times when I still ask Ate how to do things. And pretty well, I get to take care of things after. It sometimes crossed my mind that I prefer having someone like Ate than my mother. Mom would rather do the things I don't know than teaching it for me. I was her señorita as she calls me. The only thing I don't bother doing is cooking. That's because hubby has his own preferences when it comes to cooking and well thanks God I eventually get to master what he eats and what he does not. The way to a man's heart is after all through the stomach, aight?

Financially, hubby handles it well. He's a good provider though it's only been months since he started working after we ended our business. I do the allocating which surprises him of the times something is still left when he thought all the budget was used up. But spender as I was since birth, there is always something for shopping. There is time for us, mom and dad, and for the kids. It came to me that this might be a good way to practice patience for the little kids to wait for their shopping moments to avoid turo dito, turo duon. Children as young as they are need to realize that there is a right time for everything they want. In some ways, I don't want my kids to have their mom's thinking when it comes to money. Funny, but true.

Independence does not mean being able to do every single thing in the house but rather to be able to let things work based on your household setup. These things might have been ordinary, but these things are a few of what makes a relationship work. It is basic that parents have time for each other.Hubby and i usually go on a 'date' - could be a dinner just the two of us, watch a concert or just a night out away from home. There is a need to keep the flame for each other and to stay in love more each day. And though love is sweeter each day, it is more important for the kids to feel that their parents are independent - to make them feel that 'mom and dad can do this, this and that for us'. It may be being able to provide them what they need or about security. But for the young minds, it would simply be like - 'ito ang daddy at mommy ko'.

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